Sunday, January 23, 2011

Chronicles of a Thesis Dissertation

I don't fear the jury meeting. I believe I did the best I can. And not in an optimistic sense, or because the amount of time was insanely limited and I had other things to take care of in the mean time. I did the best I can, in the realistic sense, because this is going to be my first piece of bounded (if not published) writing and I could not have it otherwise. It could not have been mediocre, although I still think the whole business of this thing called the MS degree is a sham: MS theses are not genuine or significant contributions to the accumulated (scientific?) body of knowledge about societies. But I do seem to take them seriously in their insignificance. Because it's the first time my thoughts and arguments are going public. As I wait for the first response, I'm proud, scared, depressed, and obsessed. And not because I have doubts or fears - again, I'm confident in the end product. I'm proud, scared, depressed and obsessed because I'm lonely. I've been lonely all the while I was writing it, I'm lonely now waiting for the results. 

No one told me this before. The worst thing about writing a thesis is the loneliness.

I think this is a weird case of postpartum depression.

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